Buff Muscles Forum | Off-Topic
your father
How homophobic was your father?
Mine was very homophobic, although he had a very close friend, a buddy, while he was in the navy - and this friend was a big, attractive man - and I can only imagine what might have happened between them. My father was very hung. I wish I had taken after him in that area, lol, although I have a decent size for all practical purposes.
I remember one special day. I was in my early twenties, maybe. I was going somewhere with him, walking in the street.
Then another guy about my age passed by us and we exchanged glances, maybe more than. My father noticed it and immediately told me:
"You should never look at another man more than once."
I will try to be different with my son, I promise.
Responses
Posted 2 years ago by Member
My father was raised in a strict German Catholic farming community, and as a result he grew up VERY homophobic. My coming out process (at age 18) was a nightmare.....probably as much for him as it was for me. Our relationship was nearly destroyed as a result. Over the years, however, my father has mellowed tremendously, and we have never been as close as we are now. I finally believe that the man truly loves me, something I was never sure of in my youth.
Posted 2 years ago by Key Master
Rob24: That is so cool that you'd "share" that about you and your dad. I'm glad you were eventually able to connect with him in such a tender way.
Me: I was the fifth-- of six boys. A very conservative and very religious family. My older brother (the third son) "came out" years ago. He died in '94 of AIDS. My family DID gather around my brother-- and my parents stood by him until the end. They did love him in their own way. I don't fault my family for their religious beliefs at all. Heck-- I was one of them for many years! (In fact, I never came out myself to my dying brother, because I was married at the time, and I didn't want to embarrass myself.)
But to get to the point of this string... I remember my brother telling me about a conversation between he and my dad, after he had come out. My brother told me that when he was sitting at the airport gate, waiting to fly back to his home in San Diego, my Dad, who sat beside him, said the only words he ever spoke regarding my brother's sexual orientation: "Just don't embarrass your mother."
Very poignant, I thought. Dad just couldn't say much about the subject. All he wanted was that my brother wouldn't shame the family.
Like I said, I don't fault my family-- or my Dad-- for their perspective. I fully understand their religious perspective. Yet now, as a father myself, I will NEVER subject my children to that limited perspective. I'm so glad that I have broken free from the "ties that bind..."
Posted 2 years ago by Member
Sean, thank you so much for sharing your story with us. I had no idea about your brother.... Love ya, buddy!
Posted 2 years ago by Member
Rob, you would not have wanted to know my father. He was very abusive to me (sexually, physically...brutally, and emotionally). I have been in therapy since 1995 over this. I, too, was married and had 3 daughters. Because I was still afraid of my father as a grown man (pathetic, eh?) I never came out. After a year in therapy I had no choice but to come out. My daughters are totally supportive and my ex and I are better friends now that ever. That doesn't mean she wasn't pissed. But after a couple of horrible years, I feel much more like the person I was supposed to be. My daughters assure me I was a good father. I never abused them in any way because I had the perfect roll model on how NOT to act toward my kids. Sean, I understand what you went through and am very glad you had a relationship with your Dad. I wish I did.
Reply
You must log in to post.